I find it a little amusing that I wrote in my last post (so long ago, my apologies!) that I expected my interest in fundamentalist Mormon literature to continue into this year. I actually had absolutely no idea at the time that very topic would become my senior paper. It actually baffles me that the culmination of my undergraduate education is a paper about sex and violence in fundamentalist Mormon polygamy. Because I’m actually breaking the rules and not writing my paper on a topic with which I’ve done previous study. I’m also breaking the rules by writing on a topic with which no faculty in my department has any familiarity. Ooops. Imagine that, me ignoring the rules and doing what I want (I may or may not feel pretty awesome doing original scholarship…which in other departments at Rhodes isn’t that big of a deal, but in the RS department, it kinda is).
In any event, it’s pretty fascinating. And rather depressing. However, it ties in well with my two other classes this semester: Feminist Theology and Violence and the Bible. All that to say, my semester essentially consists of reading about rape and sexual assault. I assure you, it’s good times.
I am, however, no closer to figuring out what I want to be when I grow up. I believe I’m just about to the point where it really doesn’t bother me…but not quite. I’m a little anxious about not getting into seminary (I’ve learned to not be so sensitive about using that word, especially since my top choice is now a seminary and not a divinity school). Because if I don’t get in anywhere, I need to really start thinking about where my life is going and how I might steer it in that general direction. Regardless, I still very much have a job in the Canyon this fall. Which puts me in a much better position than most of my comrades here. Except, of course, my friend Matthew, who’s gotten into every seminary to which he’s heard back from, got a full ride to one of them, and was asked to apply for the premiere scholarship at his top choice.
It’s all very strange that this is the end. I’m pretty sure I won’t really start believing it until September or so. Which will be a little bittersweet, seeing as the past two September’s I’ve just wanted to leave school and go back to the Canyon. But I’m sure that this September I’ll want to not go to the Canyon and instead go back to school. But I’m not convinced that’s a bad thing. Anyone who knew me in high school can tell you that I was miserable pretty much the whole time. Some people are made for high school; I was most certainly not. I was very bad at high school. And I was entirely too self-aware for my own good. But my last semester of high school was great. College is turning out the same way. And I’m ok with that.
