A myriad of things…

Ok, so perhaps not precisely a myriad, but that sounded much better than “multiple” or “a few”.

 

For those of you all who hadn’t heard yet, I am no longer living in Memphis.  Actually, that’s not entirely true.  I am in Memphis right now, but only for the next week.  And then I head out to Arizona, where I’m going to work at the Grand Canyon again.  Everyone seems to think I’m exaggerating when I say that I have an ongoing-impossible-to-break-off-no-matter-how-hard-I-try love affair with Arizona…but I’m really not!  I’m more or less going to be out there indefinitely…I have a tentative plan to leave in March/April and move back to Raleigh…but I may not actually do that.  We’ll see where life takes me!

 

But on to other things. 

 

First of all, my best friend is an incredible singer/songwriter.  I mean, we’ve been friends for 12 years, and she’s been making music since before we met, and I’m still constantly in awe of her.  What I wouldn’t give to write/sing/play like her!  She recorded an EP this spring called Silver Living.  And it’s awesome.  So go check out her myspace: www.myspace.com/jessicalongsilverlining.  You will not regret it!  I swear! (Also, the song Attic was recorded on her computer after the EP, which is why the sound quality is not so hot…but the song is great!)

 

Second of all.  I still get some mail at my parents house, which they collect and give me whenever I visit.  I was there earlier in the month, and among other random pieces of mail was a copy of Boundless.  I have no idea where that came from.  I sure as hell didn’t request it (as evidenced by the fact that it was addressed to Katie…and, you know, the fact that it was Boundless!).  But I was bored one evening, so I picked it up and gave it a look through.  It made me want to slit my wrists.  Ok, that might be a bit extreme.  But seriously, it was pretty depressing.

I now understand that it’s a magazine specifically for singles, but the tagline on the cover of the magazine said “a magazine for 20-somethings”.  The entire thing was filled with articles about making the most of being single, being single in your mid-20’s when you thought you’d be married, accepting help from parents on picking a mate, preparing for a solid biblical marriage, etc.  I know I already said this, but it really made me want to hurt myself.

I know that singleness sucks sometimes.  It sucks more for some people than others (like the people who want nothing more than to be married and have kids…I have all kinds of thoughts on those people, but I’ll save that for another day).  But I felt like I was reading about a disease.  One that’s virtually incurable.  One that consumes the every thought of 20-something’s everywhere.

I guess that’s what really bugged me about it.  It claimed to be a magazine for 20-somethings, but it was entirely about relationships—most notably, the lack thereof.  Is that really all that 20-something’s care about?  I know that I, for one, care about quite a bit more than my relationship status.  To be sure, I’d like to get married and have a family someday, and I wouldn’t mind if it were sooner rather than later, but in the meantime I’d prefer to pour myself into other endeavors, things that actually mean something.  Like art, or friendships, or service, or ministry, or writing, or traveling, or just plain being me and being happy with that.  I’d rather not spend every minute of the prime of my life bemoaning my lack of a significant other.  But maybe that’s just me…

Protected: It is like a balm, it is like a jewel…

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Emotional attachment is really not a threat…

I have the tendancy to create really odd emotional attachments to random objects.  I’ve been this way as long as I can remember.  It’s pretty much the primary reason I’m a pack rat and never throw anything away.  And even if I don’t have an emotional attachment to something I’m about to throw away, I’m able to instantaneously create and keep from getting rid of it.  Roommates and parents love this quality of mine, let me tell you.

 It should be of no surprise to anyone who knows me that I have extreme emotional attachments to two guitar picks.  One of them I borrowed/stole this summer from my friend Peter.  It’s just generally a fun pick, and I used it when we recorded the guitar for Jesus, I My Cross Have Taken.  So it has definite good memories.  And reminders of Peter are good things.  Yay.

 The other one was given to me by an old friend.  And by old friend, I mean someone who used to be a friend, but is no longer.  It’s not particularly a happy story.  And while there are certain parts of our friendship worth remembering, it’s tough to recall the good while ignoring the pain.  So I generally try to downplay the former existence of that friendship.  Except…I love that guitar pick fiercely.  It’s the only remaining physical reminder of that friendship.  And while it did end badly, I so love having a reminder of how wonderful it was.  I don’t often use the pick, mostly because it’s starting to chip, but I see it a lot.  Just about every time I play, I have to consciously choose between that pick and Peter’s pick.  Peter’s generally wins, more out of protection for the other pick than the victory of his.

The thing is, as much as I leave that pick alone…I can’t lose it for the life of me.  I’ve tried.  Many times.  Granted, none of them purposefully.  But I’ve tried none the less.  I can’t even begin to count how many times I’ve been utterly convinced that I lost it.  And it always makes me die a bit inside.  My heart sinks and I just don’t have the verbal capacity to fully realize what I’ve lost.  But it always shows up again. 

I chose to use it this week to play the double-necked dulcimer that I built for my Physics of Sound and Music class.  And after presenting the project on Friday afternoon, I stuck the pick in the front pocket of my bag, along with my phone, and headed up to the Chaplain’s office.  Along the way, my phone fell out of my bag.  When I got up to the office, I reached in for the pick, and it wasn’t there.  I nearly lost it.  The topic of this former friendship had come up several times over the past week, so all of it was at the forefront of my mind.  But after about half an hour,  I came to terms and accepted the fact that it was gone.  And that it was good to have it out of my life.  I’ve had a hell of a time moving past that friendship, and maybe I just really needed to get rid of that pick.  Maybe getting rid of all reminders of the friendship was what I needed.  Good for me for losing it, because I’d never get rid of it on my own.

And then I found it today.  Despite knowing that it was gone forever.  And I’m not one to read into things as signs from God…actually, scratch that.  I absolutely am.  In any event, I can’t help but wonder if there’s a reason this pick keeps showing up, after countless instances of having no hope, nor attempting to make it ever show up again.