You handed me this pad and this pen with which I write…

So as to not disappear indefinitely (that’s the word of the month, ps), as I am wont to do, I thought I might should drop in briefly.  How long can I get away with the “I don’t have internet” excuse?”  I suppose not while I’m housesitting, which I am currently.  Oh well.  Deal.

I’ve actually been writing a ton lately, just not here.  I’ve actually been writing fiction.  [I'll give you a second to pick your jaws up off the ground]  It’s true.  To be sure, I never really expected to be writing it.  It just kind of happened.  Fell into my lap.  The characters appeared, and I couldn’t NOT give them life.  I’m only about 15,000 words into it, but as far as I’m aware, it’s not even half over.  I’ve been trying to write regularly, to be disciplined about it–something I’m not good at making myself do, as evidenced by my plethora of hobbies at which my skill level is mediocre–and I’m hoping to finish it before November.

Why November?  Because November is National Novel Writer’s Month.  In other words, thousands of people attempt to write a novel (50,000 words) between midnight November 1 and midnight November 30.  I gave it a shot in 2006, got about 2000 words in, and then my life fell apart.  If only I were joking about that last part.  In any event, last November wasn’t nearly as insane as the one before, but was still pretty ludicrous.  So here I am in 2008, ready to give it another shot!  And this time, I’ve actually written a bit of fiction, so I have a slight clue what I’m doing (ok, I still don’t really, but more so than 2006, right?).  I have some ideas about the novel…I know the characters, though they remain nameless, and have a vague idea of plot, so I suppose that’s a good start, right?  And the best part is, Grand Canyon = minimal social life.  So averaging around 1,700 words a day won’t be a problem in the slightest!

A myriad of things…

Ok, so perhaps not precisely a myriad, but that sounded much better than “multiple” or “a few”.

 

For those of you all who hadn’t heard yet, I am no longer living in Memphis.  Actually, that’s not entirely true.  I am in Memphis right now, but only for the next week.  And then I head out to Arizona, where I’m going to work at the Grand Canyon again.  Everyone seems to think I’m exaggerating when I say that I have an ongoing-impossible-to-break-off-no-matter-how-hard-I-try love affair with Arizona…but I’m really not!  I’m more or less going to be out there indefinitely…I have a tentative plan to leave in March/April and move back to Raleigh…but I may not actually do that.  We’ll see where life takes me!

 

But on to other things. 

 

First of all, my best friend is an incredible singer/songwriter.  I mean, we’ve been friends for 12 years, and she’s been making music since before we met, and I’m still constantly in awe of her.  What I wouldn’t give to write/sing/play like her!  She recorded an EP this spring called Silver Living.  And it’s awesome.  So go check out her myspace: www.myspace.com/jessicalongsilverlining.  You will not regret it!  I swear! (Also, the song Attic was recorded on her computer after the EP, which is why the sound quality is not so hot…but the song is great!)

 

Second of all.  I still get some mail at my parents house, which they collect and give me whenever I visit.  I was there earlier in the month, and among other random pieces of mail was a copy of Boundless.  I have no idea where that came from.  I sure as hell didn’t request it (as evidenced by the fact that it was addressed to Katie…and, you know, the fact that it was Boundless!).  But I was bored one evening, so I picked it up and gave it a look through.  It made me want to slit my wrists.  Ok, that might be a bit extreme.  But seriously, it was pretty depressing.

I now understand that it’s a magazine specifically for singles, but the tagline on the cover of the magazine said “a magazine for 20-somethings”.  The entire thing was filled with articles about making the most of being single, being single in your mid-20’s when you thought you’d be married, accepting help from parents on picking a mate, preparing for a solid biblical marriage, etc.  I know I already said this, but it really made me want to hurt myself.

I know that singleness sucks sometimes.  It sucks more for some people than others (like the people who want nothing more than to be married and have kids…I have all kinds of thoughts on those people, but I’ll save that for another day).  But I felt like I was reading about a disease.  One that’s virtually incurable.  One that consumes the every thought of 20-something’s everywhere.

I guess that’s what really bugged me about it.  It claimed to be a magazine for 20-somethings, but it was entirely about relationships—most notably, the lack thereof.  Is that really all that 20-something’s care about?  I know that I, for one, care about quite a bit more than my relationship status.  To be sure, I’d like to get married and have a family someday, and I wouldn’t mind if it were sooner rather than later, but in the meantime I’d prefer to pour myself into other endeavors, things that actually mean something.  Like art, or friendships, or service, or ministry, or writing, or traveling, or just plain being me and being happy with that.  I’d rather not spend every minute of the prime of my life bemoaning my lack of a significant other.  But maybe that’s just me…

Fuzzy wuzzy was a bear…

So, I know I’ve been horrible about blogging.  But, in my defense, I don’t have internet at my apartment, and my computer’s had all kinds of issues the past month (including quite frequently refusing to turn on and yet another afunctional power cord), so I can’t even write at home to post later.  My most sincere apologies.

I only have but a couple minutes to write, but I thought I’d share an interesting story.  I suppose that I should preface this story by saying that my two best friends and I have said for several years that the three of us need to have a reality show.  Originally, this was decided because we’re pretty hilarious and kinda ridiculous, and the rest of the world would love us.  However, we’ve since realized that the real reason we need a reality show is that the most ridiculous things in the world happen to us; most particularly, to me.  I mean, I do know some people who have more ridiculous things happen to them, but it often has to do with their personalities and the way they interact with people.  Not the case with me.  In general, my ridiculous situations are entirely independent of me–I just happen to witness them (not always the case, but often).

Which brings me to today’s ridiculous story.  From my window at work today, I saw a bear.  But not just any bear.  I saw a bear on a leash, being taken on a walk around the grounds of the church I work at.  A bear.  On a leash.  On a walk.

WHAT?!?

Does that even happen?  I mean, it’s pretty hot these days, so I suppose I could have been hallucinating, but I’m almost entirely sure that I actually saw it.  But…what the heck?  Who does that?  Who takes a bear on a walk?  At a church?

Consolidation…

Also, just as a side note…I’m hoping to, within the next week or so, get all of my posts from the rmfo blog moved over here.  Hooray consolidation.  Oh, and if you’re lucky, I may actually move over some of the old blogger ones.  Which means going back to, oh, 11th grade.  Good times, my friends, good times.

Protected: Let’s just get into my car and drive…

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The next set of “I don’t knows”…

So, I know I disappeared for a little bit, as I have the tendancy to do, but I’m back.  For good.  I’ve struggled for as long as I can remember with striking a balance between living and writing about living.  And while I love to write about my life, I really need to make sure over the past couple months that I was really being where I was and being in the moment, etc.  I needed to make sure the memories of the last couple months were stronger than the words written about them.

And so here I am.  A college graduate.  I’m not entirely sure where that came from, but apparently it happened.  I’m about to head back to Memphis (literally…I should be finishing up packing right now and getting on the road within half an hour, but instead I’m writing…imagine that).  And I’m not gonna lie, I’m pretty excited.  Or I was, I guess.  I’m not really sure.  What I do know is that I’m really looking forward to being in Memphis and not being a student.  Or, as I like to say, being a “real person” in Memphis.  I’m excited-and terrifed-about meeting new people.  I’m excited about having my own place, making some money, joining a church, having dinner parties, etc.  It’s all a new adventure for me, and one that I didn’t really plan to be undertaking right now (I assumed I’d either be in grad school or in a park).  And to make it even more of an adventure, I don’t have a permanent full-time job yet.  So come the beginning of August, I don’t have a way to make money.  Hooray!

And then I spent two weeks in NC.  I guess the first week was pretty normal.  I did go to the beach with my GC friend Shelbie for a couple days, which was lovely.  Other than that, I pretty much just hung out.  And then my best friend came home.  And then our other best friend came to visit for the weekend.  And then, twice in three days, I got together with my 4 dearest friends in the world (doing it just once was a miracle!).  And I got to spend some time with a few other dear friends.  And it struck me how different it’s all going to be now.  I may not be able to come to NC for Christmas and Thanksgiving and such.   We may not all get together again until the first of us gets married.  And that’s tough.  I’ve known that it was coming, and I’ve tried to prepare myself for it…but can you really prepare yourself for something like that?  I’m not sure you can.

Their hearts were full of spring…

I spent my spring break on campus.  It’s true, I am that cool.  Granted, staying on campus was not my first choice.  I would have much rather gone up to Chicago/Holland to see any of the various people I know up there.  However, money would not allow as much.  Money pretty much wouldn’t allow anything.  So I stayed on campus, to work on my senior paper and to watch the kids I nanny.

I was nowhere near productive in my senior papering.  I spent one afternoon working on it.  Granted, I worked very hard for those few precious hours that the library was open (I understand that most students weren’t on campus, so the library didn’t need to hold regular hours…except that the vast majority of students who did stay on campus were there to do work, namely in the library.  We all got screwed over).  But all I managed to do was footnote one section of my paper.  They’re some damn good footnotes, but I really needed to add a lot of content to my paper.  Which is why I’m still awake at 3am, the Monday morning after spring break.  Full rough draft due Tuesday, I’ve got about half the necessary length and only a third of the needed content.  Damn it.

I did have a really great time during break though.  Because my silly little freshman dorm wasn’t open for the week, I stayed in my favorite East Village apartment, home to Rachel (my four year best friend at Rhodes), Lucy (my sophomore roommate), Ruthanne (a dear friend from RUF), and Amanda.  All of the girls were out of town save Lucy, and it was fantastic.  Because we lived on different sides of campus last year and have both been ridiculously busy this year, I hadn’t hardly seen Lucy since we were roommates.  So I and forgotten how perfect the two of us are together, how well we understand each other, and how we function in exactly the same ways.  Which is to say that we both spent the entirety of spring break on the couch, with our laptops, watching movies/tv and eating.  Granted, we did go to two movies in the theatre (The Other Boleyn Girl, which I wouldn’t recommend, and In Bruges, which I wholeheartedly recommend).  We also spent a lot of time talking about life and faith and the future and politics and art, as is pretty typical of college students in general and senior in specific.  We especially enjoyed getting all bundled up and traipsing around in the 7 inches of snow we got Friday afternoon/night.

But now that spring break is over, it’s time to get back to work.  In some ways, I’m not really looking forward to the rest of March.  In fact, the last week of the month is going to be utter hell.  In that week alone I have a final draft of my senior paper due Tuesday, a presentation of that paper at the Women’s Studies Symposium on Wednesday, a feminist theology paper and presentation on Thursday, and potentially my senior defense also on Thursday.  And Peer Ministry Council’s semesterly campus-wide worship service that Tuesday, for which I am leading worship.  Aaggghhh!  I also have a feminist theology paper due in about 12 hours, a presentation of that paper this Thursday, a full rough draft of my senior paper due Tuesday, a propsal of my senior paper for the Symposium due this Wednesday, a full outline of my final feminist theology paper next Wednesday, and daily quizzes for my violence and the Bible class.  And probably other things that I can’t remember.

Holy hell.  That’s insane.  I’m clearly handling it well, since I’m sitting here at now 3:45am blogging instead of senior papering.  I’m enjoying a lovely cup of Ugly Mug coffee, Saving Grace blend.  I love me some Ugly Mug, and I’m so sad that the original shop closed before I came to Memphis.  Along with my heavily creamed and slightly sugared coffee is a bag of popcorn.  This, my friends, is my official all-nighter food.  Mostly because I pull all-nighters in the Chaplain’s office, and that’s generally all there is to eat up here. 

I also drank a cup of Republic of Tea’s ginger peach tea earlier.  Absolutely fantastic.  I’ve always wanted to be a tea drinker.  I feel like drinking tea is a little quirky in a not-hipster sort of way, and very cozy and homely and a little nerdy.  All things I want to be.  Because neither of my parents were raised in the south, we never had sweet tea growing up.  I feel like I’ve missed out on a huge part of southern culture, and I just haven’t managed to develop a taste for it.  I do love to drink certain kinds of hot tea, though.  Mainly mint and fruit teas.  They’re not my favorite beverage, as they’re a little thin, but they’re perfect in certain times and places (I have this weird thing about “thick” beverages…milk, apple cider, coffee, orange juice as opposed to water, apple juice, tea, etc).

 (Also, I meant to mention before that there is one really great thing about March.  Actually, several.  The most obvious is the NCAA tournament.  Easter break aligns with the first weekend of the tournament, which means that I get to do nothing but watch basketball for days.  Glorious!  Another thing is the possibility of going to Birmingham over Easter break.  I also expect to hear from Vandy and Princeton any day now (hopefully that will be great).  However, the thing that I meant to mention was that my friends Jeff and Miles began their attempt at a thru-hike of the Appalachian Trail yesterday.  I’ll be meeting up with them, as well as our friends Erin and Myles, at Hot Springs, NC on March 30.  I received two drunken voicemails from the guys the night before they left, which has gotten me pretty excited about seeing them.  And I’m just generally excited about their hike.  Jeff’s blogging about the hike, to the best of his ability.  They’re pretty cool kids, you should check it out.)

Cabbages and kings…

I find it a little amusing that I wrote in my last post (so long ago, my apologies!) that I expected my interest in fundamentalist Mormon literature to continue into this year.  I actually had absolutely no idea at the time that very topic would become my senior paper.  It actually baffles me that the culmination of my undergraduate education is a paper about sex and violence in fundamentalist Mormon polygamy.  Because I’m actually breaking the rules and not writing my paper on a topic with which I’ve done previous study.  I’m also breaking the rules by writing on a topic with which no faculty in my department has any familiarity.  Ooops.  Imagine that, me ignoring the rules and doing what I want (I may or may not feel pretty awesome doing original scholarship…which in other departments at Rhodes isn’t that big of a deal, but in the RS department, it kinda is).

In any event, it’s pretty fascinating.  And rather depressing.  However, it ties in well with my two other classes this semester: Feminist Theology and Violence and the Bible.  All that to say, my semester essentially consists of reading about rape and sexual assault.  I assure you, it’s good times.

I am, however, no closer to figuring out what I want to be when I grow up.  I believe I’m just about to the point where it really doesn’t bother me…but not quite.  I’m a little anxious about not getting into seminary (I’ve learned to not be so sensitive about using that word, especially since my top choice is now a seminary and not a divinity school).  Because if I don’t get in anywhere, I need to really start thinking about where my life is going and how I might steer it in that general direction.  Regardless, I still very much have a job in the Canyon this fall.  Which puts me in a much better position than most of my comrades here.  Except, of course, my friend Matthew, who’s gotten into every seminary to which he’s heard back from, got a full ride to one of them, and was asked to apply for the premiere scholarship at his top choice.

It’s all very strange that this is the end.  I’m pretty sure I won’t really start believing it until September or so.  Which will be a little bittersweet, seeing as the past two September’s I’ve just wanted to leave school and go back to the Canyon.  But I’m sure that this September I’ll want to not go to the Canyon and instead go back to school.  But I’m not convinced that’s a bad thing.  Anyone who knew me in high school can tell you that I was miserable pretty much the whole time.  Some people are made for high school; I was most certainly not.  I was very bad at high school.  And I was entirely too self-aware for my own good.  But my last semester of high school was great.  College is turning out the same way.  And I’m ok with that.

Where are the words…

Here’s my 2007 reading list.  I was really hoping to get to 50 this year.  Obviously, I didn’t even get close.  But I also spent 4 months out of the country without access to books that I was interested in reading.  So I figure, if I’d had those 4 months, I would have reached 50.  We’ll set that as a preliminary goal for next year, though I may reevaluate that goal next fall (read: I’ll be out of school and in the middle of nowhere, so I may want a much higher goal!).  In any event, I’m pretty pleased with my list this year.  As I’m such a creature of habit, there are some definite patterns.  Nearly 1/3 of them had something to do with Judaism.  Exactly 1/7 were Christian chick-lit (hey, we all have guilty pleasures!).  There was a late surge of books about fundmentalist mormonism which will most definitely carry into next year.  I read multiple books by C.S. Lewis, Lauren Winner, Chaim Potok, Rob Bell, and Kristin Billerbeck; interestingly enough, I love Winner, Potok, and Billerbeck, whereas I can’t stand Lewis and Bell.  I also chose not to list my school books this year, partially because the list was much more unimpressive than previous years and partially because I never got around to listing them before I sold them back.

1. Till We Have Faces by C.S. Lewis
2. Grand Canyon Brides: Four Harvey Girls Work to Tame the Old West Along the Rails by Dianne Christner, Nancy J. Farrier, Darlene Mindrup, and Pamela Kaye Tracy
3. Other People’s Trades by Primo Levi
4. Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis
5. Mudhouse Sabbath by Lauren Winner (twice)
6. Real Sex by Lauren Winner (unfinished)
7. Sex God by Rob Bell
8. The Promise by Chaim Potok
9. Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge
10. Olive’s Ocean by Kevin Henkes
11. Girl Meets God by Lauren Winner (reread)
12. Fear and Trembling by Soren Kierkegaard (unfinished)
13. I Am the Grand Canyon: The Story of the Havasupai People by Stephen Hirst
14. Over the Edge: Death in the Grand Canyon by Thomas M. Myers and Michael P. Ghiglieri
15. The Sacred Journey: A Memoir of the Early Days by Frederick Buechner
16. The Gates of November by Chaim Potok
17. Davita’s Harp by Chaim Potok
18. Old Men at Midnight by Chaim Potok
19. Wanderings: The History of the Jews by Chaim Potok (unfinished)
20. Nickel and Dimed : On (Not) Getting By in America by Barbara Ehrennreich
21. To Own A Dragon: Reflections on Growing Up Without a Father by Donald Miller and John MacMurray
22. Irresistible Revolution: Living as an Ordinary Radical by Shane Claiborne
23. Three Cups of Tea: One Man’s Mission to Promote Peace…One School at a Time by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin
24. Calm, Cool, and Adjusted by Kristin Billerbeck
25. She’s All That by Kristin Billerbeck
26. A Girl’s Best Friend by Kristin Billerbeck
27. Velvet Elvis: Repainting the Christian Faith by Rob Bell (unfinished)
28. Escape by Carolyn Jessop and Laura Palmer
29. Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith by Anne Lamott (unfinished)
30. What A Girl Wants by Kristin Billerbeck
31. Predators, Prey, and Other Kinfolk: Growing Up in Polygamy by Dorothy Allred Solomon (unfinished)
32. Under the Overpass: A Journey of Faith on the Streets of America by Mike Yankoski
33. Under the Banner of Heaven: A Story of Violent Faith by Jon Krakauer (unfinished)
34. I Am American (An So Can You!) by Stephen Colbert
35. The Year of Living Biblically: One Man’s Quest to Follow the Bible as Literally as Possible by A.J. Jacobs

This could be the start of something new…

For a variety of reasons, I decided that I needed to start fresh with my blog.  And, I must say, I’m pretty impressed with the tenure of my former blog.  It’s been nearly 4 years since I hopped over there, after being elsewhere for about 3 years.  Good times.  And while taking a bit of a break from blogging has been good for me, I’ve missed having an outlet.

 In any event, I’m on the verge of a new stage of life, so a new blog it is.